A little bit about me…
In 2012, I experienced an incredibly life-changing situation. More impactful than my first marriage falling apart and ending in a bitter divorce, followed by a personal bankruptcy and a job relocation all within a short 4-5 month period. That was the roughest patch I felt I hit in my adult life. Until a car accident, in which I was a passenger, left me with a very serious concussion. 18-months had passed before a health care provider was able to concretely confirm I had a concussion despite all of my symptoms pointing to one. During this time I was placed on disability, was laid-off by my employer and spent my days sitting or laying in a very quiet and dimly lit house dealing with chronic vertigo & headaches, nausea, cognitive impairments related to: speech, memory, computation & analysis, vision, and balance which resulted in a deep depression and doctors telling me there was nothing neurologically wrong with me. It was during this time that I was forced to slow down. The Universe had literally hit me in the head and told me to emphatically WAKE-UP!
As a Type A personality and total workaholic, I did not make much time for self care. Yes, I went to dinners, socialized, worked out, and did the things that most people do but I didn’t really have very many deeply connected relationships. I was blazing through each day of life in a hurry. Efficiently checking off my To Do List and sometimes admired by acquaintances & colleagues by just how much I could get done in a day. I was a survivor – born & raised by an immigrant, single parent. I had survived a very painful childhood and made the best of what I had and built a life for myself over the years which included 2 Masters degrees and multiple relocations for work. This was a solid approach to life except for the omission of the concepts of “feeling” and “healing”. It didn’t matter that I suffered my first panic attack at age 29. It was during a critical implementation before Y2K and it passed quickly enough that I thought little of it and went on with my day, never going to see the doctor about it. I am Chinese American. My parents were Chinese. What this means is that I was taught to suppress my feelings and convince myself and others that everything was “great” and “fine” no matter what was actually going on. I excelled at this skill until THE car accident left me spinning, literally, and unable to function.
It has been over 30-months since THE car accident and I am on the mend. What I originally thought would be all physical healing has actually turned into emotional and spiritual mending of deep wounds that I forgot even existed because they were so embedded in my being. Carrying childhood traumas that had festered over the decades, while piling on additional physical, emotional, and spiritual/psychic traumas led to a personal ‘tipping point’ with THE car accident. In hindsight, I had about 2-years of strong clues indicating that I should slow my life down and, possibly, make a course correction. But I was too busy with work and surviving and “getting ahead in life” to heed any of those warnings and then one day BOOM!…. I was forced to stop and was offered the opportunity to begin a very necessary healing process or simply disappear from this planet. I chose to heal. I choose to heal. I am healing.
I have finally reached a point in my recovery that I can read and write for durations long enough to blog about my healing path. Albeit, blog entries can take multiple sessions at the computer because I am still building my reading and writing stamina. Fortunately, I have a the unwavering support and love of my husband, Thomas, to review most of my posts to address any glaring typos. Hopefully sharing my experiences might offer others support in their life journeys.
If you’d like to contact me, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will do my best to respond in a timely manner.